There are times...

...I feel my face get stuck in a pursed-lip grimace
...I can catch lightning in a bottle, but there are holes in my lid
...the dealer always wins, but I never get up to leave
...I'm pessimistic about optimism
...I'm too realistic about ideals
...I feel like the sun is a long lost friend

...that I am satisfied
...that I am dutiful
...when I feel unrecognized
...that I am an underachiever and disappointing
...that I am overly criticized
...I am hopeless
...things will never change
...things have to change
...that the testimonies are true
...that God just might not intervene
...that God is silently waiting, tapping his fingers

...that I will be stuck like this for a very long time
...when I am waiting for a savior
...when I know I am a complete fraud
...I believe time heals all wounds
...when the wounds reopen
...when my imagination overtakes me
...when my anger boils
...when I look at old pictures and wonder where I went
...I long to laugh until I feel tired
...I forget when I last laughed like that

...I feel like I am really smart
...I'd rather be flipping burgers
...I wonder why I'm still single
...when I believe Emily was the worst thing that ever happened
...that the break up ruined years of my life
...memories tear me down
...I feel cheated
...I cannot sleep
...I eat too much
...I can't wait to move from here
...when I believe I'm the same kid I was when I was 22
...I am alone and I know it

...when I believe in the odds
...when I know God has a safety net
...I have great company
...memories hold me strong
...people believe in me strongly
...the guitar is an extension of my emotions
...God is near
...I smile and it feels like I'm working new muscles
...I feel great peace and try to exploit it

...I know I'm a whiner
...I know I'm ungrateful
...I know I'm oblivious
...I know I'm safe
...it could be worse
...I know it's really good