There are times...

...I feel my face get stuck in a pursed-lip grimace
...I can catch lightning in a bottle, but there are holes in my lid
...the dealer always wins, but I never get up to leave
...I'm pessimistic about optimism
...I'm too realistic about ideals
...I feel like the sun is a long lost friend

...that I am satisfied
...that I am dutiful
...when I feel unrecognized
...that I am an underachiever and disappointing
...that I am overly criticized
...I am hopeless
...things will never change
...things have to change
...that the testimonies are true
...that God just might not intervene
...that God is silently waiting, tapping his fingers

...that I will be stuck like this for a very long time
...when I am waiting for a savior
...when I know I am a complete fraud
...I believe time heals all wounds
...when the wounds reopen
...when my imagination overtakes me
...when my anger boils
...when I look at old pictures and wonder where I went
...I long to laugh until I feel tired
...I forget when I last laughed like that

...I feel like I am really smart
...I'd rather be flipping burgers
...I wonder why I'm still single
...when I believe Emily was the worst thing that ever happened
...that the break up ruined years of my life
...memories tear me down
...I feel cheated
...I cannot sleep
...I eat too much
...I can't wait to move from here
...when I believe I'm the same kid I was when I was 22
...I am alone and I know it

...when I believe in the odds
...when I know God has a safety net
...I have great company
...memories hold me strong
...people believe in me strongly
...the guitar is an extension of my emotions
...God is near
...I smile and it feels like I'm working new muscles
...I feel great peace and try to exploit it

...I know I'm a whiner
...I know I'm ungrateful
...I know I'm oblivious
...I know I'm safe
...it could be worse
...I know it's really good

Shadow of the Super Bowl

OK...so I borrowed this from another blog, who borrowed it from another blog. But I like it.
“Fax of Life” from Rubel Shelly:

That there is “life outside of football” may be a necessary reminder for some sports fans and couch potatoes now that Super Bowl XLI is over. Now that the Indianapolis Colts have the Lombardi Trophy in hand, some of them may be wondering what they will do until next season begins.

But the line is actually from Tony Dungy, the Colts’ head coach. It wasn’t spoken after last Sunday’s water-logged victory over the Chicago Bears but just after his son James committed suicide 13 months ago.

In a speech he made shortly after that tragedy, Dungy talked about all three of his sons. He spoke first of his middle son, Eric, and said his competitive nature is so focused on athletics that “it’s almost a problem.” Then he turned to his youngest son, Jordan, whose rare congenital condition makes him insensitive to pain.

“That sounds like it’s good at the beginning, but I promise you it’s not,” said Coach Dungy. “We’ve learned some hurts are really necessary for kids. Pain is necessary for kids to find out the difference between what’s good and what’s harmful.”

“Cookies are good,” the coach explained, “but – in Jordan’s mind – if they’re good out on the plate, they’re even better in the oven. He will go right in the oven when my wife’s not looking, reach in, take the rack out, take the pan out, burn his hands – then eat the cookies and burn his tongue and never feel it.”

“Pain sometimes lets us know we have a condition that needs to be healed,” Dungy said. “Pain inside sometimes lets us know that spiritually we’re not quite right, and we need to be healed. And that God will send that healing agent right to the spot. Sometimes pain is the only way that will turn us as kids back to the Father.”

Only then did Coach Dungy speak of his oldest son, James, who took his life three days before Christmas 2005. He spoke of his family’s pain. He talked about lessons they were learning from it. He and his wife have since joined an organization dedicated to preventing teen suicide.

Trends in Names

Always have thought it's interesting to see how some names are trendy at certain times and then fall out of fashion. For example, my grandfather's name is Floyd. Bet you won't see many baby boys out there named Floyd. Its time has passed. Well, this website graphically displays the trends int names since 1880. Interesting. I like plugging in "mom names" and "dad names" like Carol or Janet or Susan or Tom or Roger, and seeing them trend in and out of favor.

Enjoy!... Name Website

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Lookalike??...

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Sixteen Days From Now...

...is my 30th birthday.

In celebration, I am going to be in Texas for a week starting the weekend of the 25-27th.

That weekend, namely Saturday, Aug 26th, I am hosting any friends who might be in the area (by area I mean Texas) at a lake house at Cedar Creek Lake south of Dallas, for food, lake fun, hanging out.

Since i don't have many of your updated email lists, consider this as your friendly personal invitation. And I know it may be late notice for all you planners out there. But if you can make it out, I think it would be fun to have a reunion of sorts as best we can.

I am inviting any friends, especially those in Texas or Oklahoma who I haven't seen in quite some time. So all you ACU folks, bring your spouses and kids if you please.

But please let me know if you're interested in making the trek. It is about one hour south of Dallas near Trinidad, TX. I'll provide food and drink....

...but please email me or comment here if you are interested. I would love to see my old friends, and by old, i mean those of us who are 30 or near thirty.

I'll send you details when you respond.....

If none of you want to do this....that's fine....i'll be there anyway enjoying myself...but it would be cool to have you there too. If the 26th is not good, I'll be there all weekend anyway if you are looking for a getaway and wanna hang out.

Let me know. I'd love to see you.

Sincerely,
Sam

Bad Video

One Year

I uprooted my life one year ago today.

...choreography by Blair

Evolution of Dance

Sweet Sweet and Sugar Free

I drink lotsa diet drinks. In fact, I would say that I can count on one hand the number of regular, sugar sodas I have drunk in the last year. But my consumption of sugar substitutes, through diet drinks and sweetener for my coffee, is generous and, for me, guilt-free. Guiltless because I can trust the FDA in this case, approving these foods to be consumed. While there will probably be some surprise down the road when I am aged and stiff in the joints that something once though innocuous, like the type of fabric softener I use, will cause me to die of cancer, I am choosing to believe that most protective agencies like the FDA are striving for the greater good--and not overly influenced by economics or power.

All that to say...I've included a link below that should assuage any of your fears about Diet Coke, Diet Pepsi, or any of the other sweeteners, being linked to cancer. I'll continue to guiltlessly chug my daily aspartame flavored drinks...

aspartame

Easter is for pictures!...and Jesus...(sorry)

David Caire and Peter Caire in their Easter sport coats:


A dashing Caden Caire:


The dear eyes of Emery Anne Caire:


Bubba and Thithter:


and the newest, beautiful Anna Elizabeth Caire:

My Vacation to Arizona

So I went on vacation to Arizona last week, where the skies are cloudless and the roads very flat. Spent time with my friend Brian who lives there. Then friends Jerry and Ali joined us for the weekend.

Me, Brian, Jerry


Jerry, Brian, me, and Ali


For the ladies...


Attempting to tweeze the largest hangnail witnessed by humans:


My evil left eye can see right to your heart...be convicted!


Had a great time...the first vacation time where I actually went on a vacation in a long while. Thanks to B, J, and A for being tremendous, supportive friends and for being fun travel companions.

And...one to grow on:

...and the next day

Went to the game...PERFECT weather for a day game...sat in the sunny section by the right field line...the sun was to our left the whole time...

...so today I have a slight sunburn on the left half of my face.



also, fans, I'll be headed to Phoenix tonight for a vacation. Visiting Bruss, an old pal from OKC and LifeChurch...I'll also be playing guitar for the new LifeChurch campus there in Phoenix on Wed and on the weekend...so welcome back to the fold to me.

...more later...here's to spring!!

Opening day 2006

Today is opening day of baseball...one of my favorite, nostalgic days of the year. I have been a baseball fan since I was a kid, and this day was always so much fun for me. Especially when we first got cable television when I was in 8th grade, and I could watch WGN and TBS and ESPN. So much baseball on TV!

Now I live in a city with a major league team for the first time, and I'm going to opening day at the ballpark for the first time.

...AND THEN...the national championship game of the NCAA tournament!!...What a day!!...I think I'm gonna pick Florida this year.

This guy was just let out of his glass case of emotion...

Women and Brad Pitt

I have a link at the sidebar on my blog to Bill Simmons of ESPN.com Page 2. He is a sports writer, but also mixes in a lot of pop culture. Very funny writer. If you are a big sports fan like me, you'll love his column. And, ladies, if your husband is a sports lover, then he will appreciate this man's column.

Here is the excerpt...


"I was enjoying a lovely Sunday afternoon at the gym when I realized March Madness was on the television screen in the fitness area. I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to impress my boyfriend (a diehard Tar Heel fan) and return home with some knowledge about one of the games. However, as I watched the Bradley (BRAD)/Pittsburgh (PITT) game and checked out the score (in the bottom corner), I couldn't get past the fact that the score read "BRAD PITT." I actually laughed out loud. It was even spelled correctly! Needless to say, I couldn't tell my boyfriend a single fact about the game and wound up looking even more like your stereotypical girl. Any suggestions?"

Don't worry, Vicki -- you weren't alone. At least 50 male readers e-mailed me just to say that their wives or girlfriends noticed the exact same thing. A quick sampling:

While watching the Pittsburgh-Bradley game for 2 hours, my wife sits down on the couch and within 3 minutes asked why it says "Brad Pitt" on the screen. I guess the tourney really has something for everyone.
-- Ted Reed, Minneapolis

Wife walked in while I was watching Bradley-Pitt in the second round, looked at the score in the bottom right of the corner, and said, "Wow ... the screen says Brad Pitt!" Yet another reason to ban all women during tournament time.
-- Kevin, Albany, N.Y.

In the spirit of your Sports Gal/Sports Mom NCAA Tournament brackets, my wife had the following comment during the Bradley/Pitt game. She says in the most excited voice I have heard from her during televised sports and tells me that the box score says "Brad Pitt." Only a woman would notice that.
-- Ryan, Phoenix

And so on. My favorite e-mail came from David Rushall in Denver, who noticed the graphic before his wife and reported afterward, "I kept telling my wife 'Look, there's Brad Pitt!' She could not believe I could pick him out of the crowd during live play, so she continued to scan the crowd. After a while I let her know it was just the score in the upper left corner: BRAD 74, PITT 66. I giggled and continued to point him out every 10 minutes until the games ended."

Was this some sort of sociological experiment by CBS? Were they trying to increase the number of domestic violence incidents during that first weekend? Nobody knows. But the BRAD PITT saga led to an intriguing question from Dan in Villanova:

"This made me wonder if there were any other match-ups in any sport where the abbreviation would be a celebrity's name. I bet each of my buddies $5 that I could think of another one besides BRAD PITT. Can you come up with any? I don't feel like losing $30."

Well, I racked my brain trying to come up with one match-up so Dan didn't have to lose the 30 bucks. Couldn't think of one. So I went to ESPN.com's page that lists every college hoops team and wrote down every possible name that could fit into one of those spots for a graphic: TEX (Texas), RICH (Richmond), PITT (Pittsburgh), BRAD (Bradley), PENN (Penn), BROWN (Brown), BALL (Ball State), CAL (California), JACK (Jacksonville), SAM (Samford), BUCK (Bucknell), KEN (Kentucky), KENT (Kent State), RIDER (Rider) and BROWN (Brown).

Playing the mix-and-match game, there are two possibilities: Either a Jacksonville-Bucknell game (JACK BUCK) or a Troy-Brown game (TROY BROWN) ... and those two names aren't even remotely in Brad Pitt's class, nor would they have gotten your average female viewer to scream excitedly at the screen. I don't know about you, but I'm starting to realize that this BRAD PITT graphic was a once-in-a-lifetime event, not just because of the odds but because of the male-female ramifications in every household.

(By the way, I spent more than an hour figuring this out. And you wonder what I do all day.)

Dance

Elizabeth Newberry Wooldridge

My dear, sweet grandmother, Peggy Wooldridge died this morning at 5am surrounded by her family at home in Dallas,TX. She was 92 years old.

She was a cute little lady, with timely funny quips, a good laugher, and honestly opinionated like an old lady should be. She was an American girl raised in Chihuahua, Mexico, who went to college, married a giant, short man who was the quarterback at Texas Tech in 1924. She raised three girls, including my beautiful mother, her youngest daughter. "Gabby" survived to meet 17 of her great grandchildren. She still could speak fluent spanish if needed. She was our matriarch for the last 20 years since my grandfather died. Grandmommy will be missed.

Marching

...Is it too early to begin counting down the days until I finish residency and can move? Two years, 3 months to go.

...My body is so confused. I have switched back over to regular daytime hours after spending two weeks on night shift. Today, I slept from 4pm until 1030pm in my bed, extending what was supposed to be a nap. Now I find myself wide awake at 3am. I thought I was past it, but the body refuses.

...Now I am in working in the neonatal ICU, with all the preterm babies. All so small...I'm kinda scared to move them around too much.

...The basketball tournament has been awesome, as it is every year. My bracket predictions were miserably poor, as they are every year. Sucked to see Oklahoma go out early, but I should have predicted it. Too bad Kansas went out 1st round again, meaning that's all we're gonna hear about in KC on the sports radio. Glad to see Air Force lose...

...Going to a concert on Tuesday. Wilco is playing. Should be a good time. Just need to find someone to use the second ticket I bought.

...Finished reading a book that I started in November. Just finished it tonight. A book about Lewis & Clark (mostly Lewis) and their exploration of the Missouri River. The inner nerd in me is fascinated by exploration and discovery, by imagining what the city I lived in looked like when it was small, how the land laid out before construction changed it all, how the streets got their names, why some streets became four-lane, what used to be where the interstates are now. Anyway, it was a long book and I've completed it. Good stuff. Makes me want to vacation in Montana & Idaho and see some of the sites they saw that are reportedly much like they were 200 years ago.

...One year ago I found out I matched for residency in Kansas City. It was one of the best days I've had in years, achieving something I had hoped for so much. My mom was so happy for me. My brother was happy to hear it. My dad was with me when I found out. My ex-girlfriend was excited for me. I was in love. On the weekends, I was playing guitar at a great church with great friends, living a smaller version of my musical dreams on a weekly basis. I miss the guys in the band. Afternoons at the driving range were regular. I was winding down my medical education, enjoying the friendships I made in medical school. Kansas City, here I come! Seemed so exciting...

...Today, so much has changed. Much can change in one year...it has proven to be true, and I hope that bears out again in the next year, just in a different way.

L & D

This week, my sleep schedule has been reversed, as I have been on rotation in labor and delivery, bringing humans into the world at all odd hours of the night. Weekends, I have off. Unfortunately, I am up all night. As a matter of fact, the sky is beginning to change colors as the sun rises. Beautiful...and this sure beats waking up to watch the sun rise.

So last week I delivered five babies. In other words, I was there to catch the babes as they vaulted from their mothers' bodies. I was just there to make sure no cords were stuck around necks, good suction was provided, cords were cut, etc.

During the scuffle of shuffling instruments in my hands and clamping cords, I miss out on the mother's moment. Not to be overly soft, but there is truly nothing like the gaze from a mother to her baby.

It's also funny to think about what's going through baby's mind...like "What the hell just happened??...Why am I choking?...and why am I needing to breathe all of a sudden??...Man, it's freezing in h...wherever I am...All I can do is SCREAM! SOMEONE just HOLD ME or something." You watch them blink and move for the first time...it's all kinda fun.

And then it's back to bitter doctor land, where there's always other stuff hittin' the fan. Where patients don't do what's best for them. Where you have the mandate to just not screw up. To document everything correctly. To interview patients quickly and with compassion when they are far too verbal or tangential.

Please, God, give me more patients....Ooops...patience. I need to learn.

And while you're at it...give me a few more friends so I can go see lots of Royals games. And some friends who can teach me new tricks...I'm gettin' older by the day.

Serenity please...and some somnolence...it's 5am, dude...sorry...Dude

______________________________________________________________________

BTW...for those who were curious...turns out the girl from that prior post actually has a boyfriend--a detail I somehow did not pick up on during our brief conversation. Explains the discretion with which she handed me the note.

So...if you know any short women in the KC area...who are, using the female lexicon "gorgeous," (not 'cute') then let me know.