The Work Begins

For the last three days, residency has been terribly boring, with orientations that are far too long. Monday and Tuesday were very long—conferences from 7:30 am until 6 pm at the Embassy Suites hotel. Stuck in one room all day, talking about benefits, insurance, policies, privacy, and some other topics of questionable relevance at this time. Though I would prefer it to being thrown immediately into work, these orientations were too long. Not many highlights to speak of.

We got our schedules today, the day before the month begins. We just got our ID’s and parking permits today as well. I had to go and buy a set of scrubs and a lab coat—had to buy my own uniform. Seems like these things should have been taken care of for us. July 1 is our first day of work, and I have the day off. Don’t do any ED work until the 2nd. They are starting us off gently, only working us 10 shifts in the ED, with several more training courses schedule for us during the month to occupy our time, including ATLS, PALS, ACLS Instructor, and probably a few others.

In the ED, we’ll be concentrating mainly on Fast Track cases, which are more “bread and butter” types of emergencies—not life threatening. Even so, I am scared when I left myself dwell on it. Part of it is the fact that I’m the doctor and I’m signing off on the treatment of these individuals starting Saturday. I’m culpable. I am in charge of the assessment, diagnosis, treatment and discharge of these sick people. If someone has a cut finger, I’m gonna have to clean it and sew it up, which I’ve only done once or twice. If they have a broken finger, I’ll have to splint it, which I’ve never done. I think I could spot a bladder infection, but I’m not sure what antibiotic to give. If a baby comes in with a rash, I might as well walk right out of the room. And let’s hope the kid doesn’t have a mild temperature.

Add to this lack of knowledge my own desires and expectations of capability. I want to make a good impression and show my new bosses and co-workers that I am going to be a strong doctor. But I’m clueless and my skills are rusty if not deficient. I don’t know how I’m going to make a good impression on these people. As a student I could try to feign confidence, knowing that it was expected for the doctors to have to correct me and that what I said or did had little bearing on what really happened to the patient. Not anymore.

I’m nervous right now, thinking that I have no idea what to do if someone’s having a heart attack.

Then there’s also the paperwork. Just like any other job, the beginning is rough as you grow accustomed to the routines and logistics and how things are run. I anticipate lots of screw ups with paperwork, aside from knowing how to sign my own name…which carries its own burdens...(sigh)...(see above)...ahh, funny that sometimes worry and stress is so cyclical and yet so inert.